Caring for oneself is vital in today’s hustle and bustle. Yet, too much focus on oneself can edge into narcissism. Achieving balance is key. Self-care nurtures your well-being, but it shouldn’t be an excuse for self-absorption. So, how do we tread this delicate path?
Understanding Self-Care
Self-care is more than a buzzword; it’s a commitment to nurturing our health and happiness. It’s about taking time to recharge and ensuring our mental and emotional health are in check. But how do we define it clearly?
Different Forms of Self-Care
Self-care is not a one-size-fits-all. It involves:
- Physical Self-Care: This includes exercise, a balanced diet, and getting enough sleep. It’s about keeping your body healthy.
- Emotional Self-Care: Activities like prayer or talking to a friend help process emotions.
- Mental Self-Care: Engaging in hobbies or reading sharpens the mind and provides relaxation.
The Psychology Behind Self-Care
The mind is a powerful thing. Self-care can lift your mood and reduce stress. It teaches you to prioritise what truly matters. But why is it so essential? Because a healthy mind underpins everything we do. Neglecting self-care leads to burnout and anxiety. Yet, it mustn’t morph into egoism.
Identifying Narcissistic Behaviours
Narcissism centres on self-importance and a lack of empathy. It sneaks into self-care when the focus shifts from wellness to ego-stroking.
Signs of Narcissism in Self-Care
Recognising when self-care becomes self-centred is crucial:
- Constantly seeking admiration: Always needing validation.
- Entitlement: Feeling like you deserve special treatment.
- Lack of empathy: Neglecting others’ feelings in pursuit of your needs.
Fine Line Between Self-Care and Self-Indulgence
This line can blur easily. Self-care turns into indulgence when:
- It becomes an excuse to avoid responsibilities.
- You ignore others’ needs.
- It’s more about superficial acts than true well-being.
Strategies for Balanced Self-Care
Balance is achievable with the right strategies. Here’s how to keep self-care healthy and grounded.
Mindful Self-Care Practices
Mindfulness keeps self-care genuine. Try:
- Prayer or Meditation: Focus on the present to calm your mind.
- Feeling thankful: Shift the focus from what’s missing to what you have.
- Digital detox: Limit screen time to connect with reality.
Setting Boundaries
Boundaries ensure self-care isn’t selfish:
- Time management: Allocate time for others.
- Saying no: Politely decline when necessary.
- Work-life balance: Don’t let work invade personal time.
Seeking Support from Others
Support networks provide balance:
- Talk to loved ones: Share your needs but listen to theirs too.
- Seek professional help: Therapists offer guidance on maintaining balance.
- Join groups: Engage with communities with similar self-care interests.
The Benefits of Balanced Self-Care
Practising balanced self-care offers numerous benefits.
Improved Relationships
When you balance your needs with others’, relationships thrive. Listening and caring for them strengthens bonds. You become a better friend, partner, or family member.
Increased Resilience
A healthy approach builds resilience. You’ll handle challenges without stress taking over. Balance helps maintain a steadiness in life.
So in a nutshell, self-care is about a life of balance:
- Eating healthy food you enjoy
- Drinking more water than wine!
- Avoiding stimulants & addictive substances
- Getting enough sleep
- Taking regular exercise
- Taking time out to relax
- Avoid watching rolling news
- Study for a job you enjoy
- Spend time with those you love
As you can see, all of the above can be done pretty easily, without having to buy much. For sure, indulge in an organic pear at the farm shop, treat yourself to an organic skin cream and save up for a holiday somewhere nice once a year. But you don’t have to fall into the victim trap of buying everything but the kitchen sink, just to ‘look and feel nice’. That’s where self-care falls into narcissism.
NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder) is a serious condition, where people can ruin your life by hijacking your ‘niceness’ and making it work for them. We’re not really talking about that serious mental health condition here. But it’s a term often used to describe those who talk of self-care with no consequences for others. For instance:
‘Treat yourself to a pair of designer jeans (no matter if they were made far away by women who don’t get a fair deal, and the toxic blue dyes are literally turning street dogs blue in India, from drinking polluted water).
‘Treat yourself to an expensive facial to get rid of wrinkles’. This insinuates that a woman with a few laughter lines is of no worth. That’s not self-care, that’s marketing. And a nasty one at that.
And here’s a real biggie in the self-care industry: ‘Spend (you insert the amount but likely hundreds of pounds’) to take my ‘inner peace course’ so you can be rich and happy like me’. You don’t have to take an overpriced online course to find inner peace and practice a bit of self-care. Take a day off work, go for a walk in nature, turn off your Internet and have a relaxing bath and early night. Same results, for less than a fiver!
Choose Self-Compassion (over ‘Self-Love’)
Self-love is where people look in the mirror, telling themselves that they love themselves. No sane person needs to do this. Self-love can indeed start getting self-absorbed, especially when you think of all the people on earth who would just love a bed for the night. Self-compassion however is less ego-tistic and more empowering.
If you take care of your body and mind, you are more likely to have reserves left to help others. Caregivers and first responders will do a much better job on helping others, if they practice self-care themselves.
If you enjoy good organic food that takes care of the earth, you’ll seek out good organic vegetables and good bread, and likely support small indie businesses. Because you love yourself enough not to eat the crap (or use the toxic beauty products) that advertisers ask you to buy.
Self-Care Means Being True to Your Values
People who practice self-compassion know their values, and don’t live lives by media. A good example of this was animal welfare campaigner Sarah Taylor. She sadly died a few years ago from aggressive brain cancer. But she wrote wonderful simple books on how to go vegan in 30 days.
And her take was that if you tried and failed (like her) in the beginning, it was because you were listening to the media. But if (like her when she succeeded), you go vegan due to compassion for animals, no amount of marketing can take you back. You can apply this philosophy to any area of life.
Conclusion
Self-care is a valuable practice, but its worth diminishes when overshadowed by narcissism. By striving for balance, you nurture well-being while staying connected to those around you. Reflect on your habits. Are you helping yourself or feeding your ego? Let self-care be your ally, not your vanity.
