Surviving God is an important and unique book that addresses the often ‘swept under the carpet’ issues of both sexual abuse within religion, but also how people who have been abused reconcile what happened to them, with their personal faith.
What smacks of religious abuse is that after it happens, the one person (apart from perhaps a relative) that you should be able to confide in – is the very person who has committed the act. And even praying to God may become difficult.
This book by two theologians (both survivors themselves) show that the way to healing is to break the ‘official way of thinking about God’ as a ‘man up there’ who judges others, rather than the ‘real God’ whose love and justice is at the heart of the Gospel.
Learning to think in new ways on God, will also help to stop such abuses and cover-ups ever happening again.
We both survived childhood sexual abuse. We also survived the God of our childhood churches. Later we learned that God doesn’t cause or want any kind of abuse. Rather, God suffers and survives with us. God experiences our suffering and is with us in our pain.
For many survivors, holding onto faith is difficult as the church and many Christians fail to address abuse seriously, and do something about it.
Rev. Dr Grace Ji-Sun Kim is a professor of theology and an ordained minister in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania (USA). Rev. Dr Susan M Shaw is a professor of women’s studies at Oregon State University and an ordained minister in Oregon, USA.
A monumental gift to the church and survivors alike. A healing balm for an age of reckoning. Lisa Sharon Harper
For anyone longing for an understanding of God beyond the toxic and abusive theologies of the patriarchy – this book is for you. Rev. Rebecca Todd Peter
Understanding the Impact of Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse no doubt leaves deep scars on people who have been affected — on their minds, emotions and bodies. If the abuse occurred within a family or religious setting, this has added problems to heal from.
Common side effects of people who have been sexually abused include depression and anxiety, plus post traumatic stress syndrome, with flashblacks. This can affect the ability to focus or interact with others, and even find happiness in later life. Yet acknowledging these effects, is the first step to healing them.
Common feelings of people who have been sexually abused include confusion, shame and guilt. These act like ‘invisible chains’ to hold back recovery. This is why in most cases, it helps to get professional therapy of some kind, to talk through these feelings.
And know that in nearly all cases, such events have happened to other people, who have realised that the blame was not on them.
Mindfulness practices like meditation, yoga or prayer can help, as can good self-care routines from enjoying a warm bath, reading good books or taking walks in nature. And it’s also important to build healthy relationships with people you feel comfortable with.
For instance, if you were abused in a Catholic setting and ‘threatened with Hell’ if you said anything. It’s likely not such a good idea to visit a new town, and join another Catholic church with the same mindset. As it will simply instill more fear and shame.
Read this excellent article on healing after sexual abuse by Jeremy Sachs, one of many excellent therapists recommended at Counselling Directory.
Finding Help After Sexual Assault
NHS has good advice for this emotive subject. There are many resources to help (for both victim support and sexually transmitted disease tests), and no matter who has assaulted you, it is always a crime.
SARCS (sexual assault referral centres) are nationwide and available for anyone (including male rape victims) to offer crisis care, medical/forensic examinations and testing. You can also use this service to speak to a specially-trained police officer, who can support you during any trial that takes place.
Rape Crisis offers help and support (online or call for up to 40 minutes). SARSAS also offers help via phone or live chat.
The Bridge offers help for people of any age, gender or sexual orientation, to support and heal you from abuse, whether it happened today or years ago.
Why Is The Church Still Not Dealing With This?
Decades after the sexual abuse scandals in the Catholic Church came to light, still not enough is being done. Some priests are still being ‘parachuted’ into new areas when known to be abusive. And while the Catholic Church opposes abortion for faith reasons, it turns a blind eye to nuns it forces to have abortions, after being abused by priests.
One abuse victim has offered rules that should be implemented immediately by Pope Francis and the Vatican. Beyond just saying sorry and preaching forgiveness. These include:
- Levying harsh penalties (including excommunication) against abusers.
- Insist each diocese and religious order turn over records of suspected abusers.
- Demote or fire Vatican staff who have concealed known or suspected abusers (so far, this has only be done for a handful of bishops, letting others ‘quietly retire or resign’).