Had your heart broken? We’ve all been there. Whether you believe in the notion of a ‘soul mate’ or not, having the person you put your trust in not be there for you when you need them, can be heart-wrenching. It’s unlikely this is done on purpose, but it hurts just as bad. Of course, physical death also causes broken hearts – learn how to deal with grief, and how to cope when pets die.
How quick it takes to heal from a broken heart, often depends on the kind of person you are. A highly sensitive person who is very emotional, is going to take more time. But that’s okay, oranges are not the only fruit. Read How to Mend a Broken Heart. This book is by a woman who (in the midst of heartbreak) had a conversation with her neuroscientist friend. She outlines how break-ups affects our brains and bodies (triggering withdrawal-like symptoms) and passes on what she learned, to help move onto acceptance.
- Don’t be angry. If someone has been unfaithful or dishonest, not forgiving can lead to festering emotions, that could destroy you. There was once a woman in the media whose husband left her for another woman. We all felt for her. But years later, she was still writing on how he betrayed her. Eventually you have to move on. Why have someone return, if they are no longer interested?
- Find new friends. You don’t have to get rid of joint friends, but finding some new friends for your ‘single life’ is good, ensuring people are in line with your values, and also stops you joining a club of ‘bitter ex-wives!’ Take up hobbies that resonate with your new life, to help put you in a better place, and not spend your free time ruminating on what could have been.
- Self-care. Get a new haircut, create new routines, to help you feel and look better about yourself (especially important if you were dumped for a younger women or man). You’re gorgeous!
- Don’t even think of ‘revenge’. This keeps you focused on your old life. Just move on. If you find new love and have no further contact with whoever hurt you, you don’t have to let them know. Just be happy, and hope they are too.
- Let yourself grieve. Don’t stuff up your emotions, not cry, refuse counselling etc. This is really unhealthy, and can make healing take a lot more time.
- Do something for others. If you’re finding yourself staring into space and gnashing your teeth, volunteer at a local animal shelter or hospice, or become a befriender to an old person who is feeling lonely. Get out of your head, others (usually) have it worse than you.
- Take up meditation or prayer. This can help you stop going ‘over and over’ when happened. The past is the past, and you can’t change it. What’s done is gone. Either communicate to forgive and get clarity, or move on. Reliving scenarios in your head can drive you batty. Vedic astrologers say that ‘95% of what happens in our lives is predestined anyway’. So what happened – likely was always going to happen. This can at least lead to acceptance that (perhaps) there was nothing either of you could do. Always Well Within has nice posts on living in the moment.
You can meet thousands of people and none of them will touch you. And then one day, someone can come in and touch your soul. And before you know it, your life has been changed forever. Jake Gyllenhaal
A soulmate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected. As though the communicating that takes place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a Divine Grace. Thomas Moore
music break: all the way over
Meet Sam, who used to run a vegan cafe with his girlfriend on the Essex coast (but it didn’t do well as they kept closing it to go surfing!) He exploded onto the scene last year when he almost won Eurovision, and his long hair, beard and carpentery skills have led people to compare him to another lovely man in history! If you want raw talent and emotion – here it is.
