Bullying is prevalent in many areas, and seems to have increased due to programs like Big Brother, which have helped to heap narccisistic abuse on highly sensitive people. Here are some tips to help, as workplace bullying can be as harmful and upsetting as school bullying. how to help prevent school bullying.
Narcissists use a variety of traits in the workplace including gaslighting (making you doubt your own reality of what happened, often blaming yourself), projecting (accusing you of being difficult, if you simply ask the bully to stop their behaviour) and rage (becoming angry if they are called out for their behaviour). Narcissists also rarely change, as they see no issue with their own behaviour, so are unlikely to seek help. Even a chat from a boss won’t help, as nothing is ever their fault. If you have ever been upset by a workplace bully who says you are ‘too sensitive’, it’s likely you were dealing with a narcissist. Often it’s advised to ‘stand up to a bully’. But in the case of narcissists, they tend to never back down, and may instead get worse or more angry.
Workplace bullying often takes place by narcissists, who believe they are more important than others, and often tend to target the quiet empaths that they think will not report them, for fear of reprisals or atmospheres in the workplace. Like nearly all bullying, it happens mostly out of sight of others (the bully is likely not going to bully you in front of your boss).
A typical bully pretends to be friendly, then using the information against you. A good piece of advice for this is to use what psychologists call the ‘grey rock technique’. Just be as boring as possible, only answering yes or no if possible to any questions, so they get bored and move onto someone else. Otherwise innocent things you say (or information you give away) can be then twisted to use against you.
Often bullies are envious of those who are nicer or more skilled. So focus on your work, to ensure your own life is not negatively affected by bullies who perhaps don’t have the same moral work ethic as you.
- Be sure to write down incidents, places and dates of bullying. This helps to avoid ‘gaslighting’ of those who then deny knowledge of ever bullying you. This helps to avoid attempts to deny or sabotage your experiences, if it ever needs to be reported officially.
- Limit conversations and contact as much as possible. In the workplace, it’s nigh impossible to avoid the perfect ‘no contact’ advice. But at least this helps you to control how much conversation you have to them. Many bullies love to appear concerned for your wellbeing, and sensitive kind people may well believe them. Often workplace bullies will focus on any mistakes you have made, to make you appear less able than you are.
- Stay calm, and don’t rise to any bait. Even if your skills or talents are mocked or made to feel inferior, just do your job and ignore them. A good boss should be quick to recognise workplace bullying, if you keep close and spend as little time as possible with bullies. They will likely start to talk more of your incompetencies in a more public arena, which will bring their bad behaviour to light.
- If workplace bullying is making your life a misery or you feel threatened, then it’s time to tell your boss. You can find advice on how to get help. If you have no joy, then for sure find a better job where you are treated with more respect. Bullying is not illegal, but harassment is, especially when focused on sexuality, race, religion etc.
Where to Find Help for Workplace Bullying
- National Bullying Helpline has a phone line for help, if you need it. If you are being undervalued, feel ill when working with someone or feel intimidated or threatened or humiliated, this is the place to go.
- ACAS helpline also has help for one-off or regular bullying, which often is not noticed by colleagues. Examples include spreading rumours or putting you down at work, showing disrespect or saying/doing things to make you look bad at your job. They can help you draft a letter or email to explain to your colleagues and/or boss how this behaviour makes you feel, sticking to facts, without making things worse.
If you’re horrible to me, I’m going to write a song about it, and you won’t like it. That’s how I operate. Taylor Swift
