Learn Norwegian – far easier!
England is renowned for being one of the countries where most people can’t talk any other language. If that makes you feel bad, don’t be so hard on yourself.
Experts say that schools choose the completely wrong languages for English children to learn.
Unless you are raised in a bilingual family (or immigrate to England so already have another mother tongue), it’s quite difficult (especially later on in life) to learn another language.
But all polyglots (language experts) say that schools and education departments are getting it all wrong.
Apart from the fact that it would be more to the point for children to learn sign language (to include everyone in conversations in society), the chosen ‘first languages’ of French and German are actually some of the most difficult – plus it’s unlikely most of us will ever use them again.
The advice that children should all be learning Mandarin Chinese as ‘the language of the future’ is also daft, because firstly we are transitioning to a local food/culture society, rather than dealing with businesses the other side of the world, as government seems to predict.
But also because it’s also one of the most difficult languages to master (even the word ‘ma’ has four meanings, depending on how it’s written or pronounced).
Other very difficult languages include Hungarian, Russian (no verbs), Polish (like ‘Russian on steroids’), Arabic and Finnish (not related to other Scandinavian languages, this has some of the longest words on earth):
Lentokonesuihkuturbiinimoottoriapumekaanikkoaliupseerioppilas
This means ‘‘airplane jet turbine engine auxiliary mechanic non-commissioned officer student’.
So what’s the best language for English children to learn, to instil them with confidence? Norwegian, apparently. It has similar verbs and grammar to English. And there would be a lot more ‘A grades’ if that was the main first language to learn at senior school:
Here are some simple phrases, you’ll likely know what they are already:
Hei! (hello!)
God morgen (good morning!)
Takk (thank you)
Sommer (summer)
Vinter (winter)
Midnatt (midnight)
Temperatur (temperature)
Vind (wind)
Storm (storm – the same!)
Goodness, that’s easier than French, isn’t it?
Leicester: Birthplace of the English Language
When people think of the roots of English, Leicester doesn’t always get the spotlight it deserves. Yet, this East Midlands city played a huge role in shaping the English we speak today.
Its streets, history, and local traditions offer a unique window into the story of our language. Let’s walk through Leicester’s rich contributions to English, from ancient times to the present day.
Long before modern English took shape, Leicester sat at the crossroads of Roman and Celtic cultures. The Romans called it Ratae Corieltauvorum.
Latin mixed with local dialects, laying down early foundations for what would slowly become the English language. Words and ideas from Roman Leicester still echo in some English place names and terms.
Words like “ceaster” (meaning fort or town) show up in many place names, a legacy of this time. This blend started to shape the English spoken across the Midlands.
The town of Ashby-de-la-Zouch sounds French, but it isn’t. It’s from old Saxon English!
Teach Yourself (and your dog!) Cornish
Teach Your Dog Cornish is a fun book that uses a pooch, to helpfully train you (and possibly your dog!) to learn 50 common words and phrases in the language of Cornwall.
Using a fun retro-style layout, practice Cornish with your furry best friend. Or your cat (who is likely to just walk off).
Cornish is not related to Gaelic, and more similar to Welsh (people in Brittany often understand the Welsh language, so perhaps it’s the same here!)
Dolly Pentreath is often said to be the last mother tongue speaker of Cornish, though this is not verified. Born in Mousehole in 1692, she was the child of a fisherman and apparently did not speak English until age 20.
She never married and (quite controversially in the day) gave birth to a son. Living in dire poverty, not much is known about her – apart from the fact that she could apparently swear in Cornish!
A Celtic language, Cornish has a unique alphabet and different sound rules. So the letter ‘w’ sounds like ‘oo’ and the letter ‘y’ sounds like ‘i’ (in words like ‘it’).
Many place names are Cornish (not just towns beginning with ‘tre!’) For example, the town of Penzance is Cornish for ‘holy head’ (‘sans’ means holy and ‘pen’ means head!)
Cornish, one of the six Celtic languages, traces its roots back to the Brythonic Celts who inhabited Cornwall ages ago. Though it nearly vanished, a revival in the 20th century brought Cornish back into the spotlight. Today, it’s a symbol of local pride.
The language has its quirks, like its own unique sounds and grammar. But fear not! Beginning with simple phrases and immersing yourself in Cornish culture will make the learning curve less steep. Here are some everyday phrases to master:
Dydh da – Good day
Dha weles genev vy – Nice to meet you
Dhe vos i – I am
Py dy’th aneth? – What is your name?
Dh’aga vy yav, mar pleg – Yes, please
Nyns yu drog – No problem
Quick exchanges like these can help you navigate through simple conversations, whether you’re meeting locals or asking for help.
Pelea veum gans fruta ha legum? – Where do I find fruit and vegetables?
Leverow beu, mar pleg – Food menu, please
Denmayth lowen – Delicious!
Speak Cornish Week is an annual event, dedicated to getting local people speaking the lingo! An Rosweyth (a group of local language organisations) let people have a go at speaking Cornish (Kernewek!) with the experts.
Just like fruits and vegetables, the organisations encourage you to ‘get your Cornish 5 a day’ by using local words of this minority language. Here are a few phrases to start you off:
Dydh da (hello)
Lowena dhis (joy to you!)
Yew sos (hi, mate)
Mar pleg (please)
Moy tesen (more cake!)
People who don’t understand Cornish say it kind of sounds like ‘how English would sound to someone who doesn’t understand the language. Here’s a video of a native Cornish speaker. What do you think?
An A to Z of Assaults on Our Language
Scarcely English is a unique and timely book on how the beautiful English language has now been ruined by text messages, and egged on by social media to be subject to some grave assaults. Unlike yesteryear, there appears now to not be any rules.
Today everyone can be a published author, even if they can’t write or spell well, or don’t know the meaning of many words in the English language. This is having dire consequences in ‘the land of the Bard’.
This A to Z runs through common confusions, including lazy expressions (every extended activity is an ‘athon’ and every scandal is a ‘something-gate’).
This often has dire consequences for the English tongue. These modern times register horror in those of us who do not believe you can answer the question ‘How are you?’ with the words ‘I’m good’.
Sprinkles with dry wit, this is both a chamber of horrors of bad and lazy English, and a plea for accuracy, clear thinking and elegance.
Simon Heffer read English (and took a PhD in modern history) at Cambridge University. He has written many books on the English language, and currently writes for the Daily Telegraph and The Sunday Telegraph.
