Befriending Volunteers (Simple Acts of Kindness)
A lot of us think of loneliness as only a problem for older adults. Sure, many seniors do find it tough, especially when friends and family move or pass away. But the truth is, loneliness shows up at any age.
Recent studies have flipped what we thought: young people sometimes report feeling lonely more often than older people. Teens and folks in their twenties might be packed into busy schools, workplaces, or online groups, but it doesn’t mean they feel understood or accepted. Social media can throw connection off balance, making some feel left out while scrolling through highlight reels of others’ lives.
Here are a few common myths about loneliness:
- Only older adults feel lonely. In fact, loneliness peaks at different ages, including the late teens.
- Having a big circle of friends means you aren’t lonely. Some of the loneliest people have many contacts but few deep bonds.
- You can “snap out of it.” Loneliness is not a simple mood you can turn on or off.
Social Exclusion and Community
Sometimes loneliness comes from social exclusion, a fancy way of saying someone feels pushed out or ignored by the group around them. It doesn’t always take an obvious brush-off. A person can live in a big family, go to a busy school, or eat lunch at work with others, but still feel they don’t fit in.
Building a real sense of community is more than geography or being in the same room. It grows from belonging—feeling valued and included—which is something befriending efforts work to spark.
In the modern world, many people feel disconnected, and we have millions of older people especially who feel lonely. In his book Healthy at 100, John Robbins wrote that the world’s longest-living cultures all had one thing in common: nobody felt lonely. There was always a relative or someone in the community to talk to.
Even though many of us are introverted hermits, it’s still good for communities to connect. And especially now we have more scattered communities, befriending volunteers play a vital role.
A befriending network is simply where volunteers connect with those who may be struggling alone, to offer companionship, sometimes just a chat on the phone.
Volunteers who like to socialise either call or visit lonely people, and sometimes there are group gatherings instead. Most volunteers undergo training, to understand the needs of recipients.
Consider becoming a volunteer dog walker. This creates friendships with lonely vulnerable people, and also helps their animal friends too. Blue Cross has trained volunteers to listen, for anyone suffering from grief, after losing a pet.
A Free Phone Befriending Service
The Silver Line is a free phone service run by Age UK, where volunteers provide friendship and conversation 24 hours a day (7 days a week) to anyone over 55 who is feeling isolated or lonely.
A wonderful way for chatterboxes to volunteer, many widowed and disabled people often don’t see other people for days. And although some people like to be alone, others may enjoy a chat and a cup of tea over the phone.
All calls are confidential (recorded for training and in case there are legal or safety concerns). So the recipient can speak to someone in the middle of the night, and they can’t sleep.
England’s National Befriending Networks
England has many befriending networks, where volunteers can visit you in person (or accompany you to trips out or even the doctor).
Befrienders usually contact matched service users at home or over the phone for 30 minutes a week, sometimes they meet at local cafés or at drop-in events. Others visit people in care homes.
Volunteers drop in for one hour a week, plus it runs social clubs from cooking clubs to mocktail making. All are disabled-friendly and there is a small donation. They are also situated near bus stops, if you have no car or community transport.
The service is formal but sometimes they may find services that could bring benefit like Foodtrain (where volunteers do grocery shopping or do odd jobs around the house or have local people cook an extra meal portion and take it round for a chat) for a £1 membership fee and cost of £5 a month.
Volunteers should have knowledge of local places, a caring and non-judgemental nature, good communication skills and be punctual and able to maintain confidentiality.
Recipients tend to be older who do not receive many visitors other than care work, and can self-refer or be referred by someone else.
b:friend pairs older neighbours with volunteers in the community. Already in Yorkshire and Derbyshire, the founder discovered that millions of people say the TV is their main company and being lonely has higher chance of dementia, falls and GP visits, and costs the economy more money.
The Marmalade Trust (Bristol) offers time-limited one-to-one projects, where trained volunteers make weekly calls to project members for up to 15 weeks, focusing on their specific needs and interests.
The idea is that say the elderly recipient enjoys painting and languages, by the end they would have possibly joined such classes, to independently meet people in their own ‘niche’ of interest, to foster connections thereafter.
Scotland’s No.1 Befriending Agency is different, in that it’s a social enterprise that runs alongside its No.1 Care Agency. For just over £20 an hour (less than most care agencies), it offers staff who can help with a chat, taking medication, going for walks, and a hand with light housekeeping.
Then it offers respite care for more needs, and the money spent is used to funds its free No.1 Befriending Service which is free.
Care Dogs (London) is a befriending charity with a difference. The befriender not only visits you with their friendly dog, but also you can go on walks with both at the same time, getting out in the fresh air for gentle exercise with your new canine friend! Read more on volunteer dog walking (including important safety info).
AGE UK’s Befriending Service
Age UK offers a national befriending service in person or by phone. Again this is for 30 minutes a week for 12 months, and you are connected automatically for safety.
You are giving training and safety tips before you begin, If they need assistance, you are given their advice number, so they can call for help on benefits and other information. Find local services near you.
If you need help on other issues, Age Co Advice Line can advise on financial and mental health issues, plus winter heating allowances, housing associations and care homes. Be sure to use a benefits calculator (or have someone do it for you).
Lines are open 365 days a year from 8am to 7pm, One delivery driver called when an older lady answered in a coat and hat. He called age UK and a local person came round to sort out benefits.
The help is out there, it’s just a case of finding people to help them. They also get calls from housing associations to GPs, especially about scammers quoting hundreds of pounds to make simple radiator fixes etc.
Despite the name sounding a bit archaic, this is really is a wonderful organisation. It funds no animal testing and kind of also acts as an alternative Samaritans for people to call if they feel tearful or lonely or bereaved. It has wonderful free services by telephone and in-person, and does amazing work.
An example of someone who runs the telephone advice line in a typical day helps:
- A woman who needs help to apply for Attendance Allowance.
- Helping a person’s father get mobility aids.
- Getting help at home, to avoid going in a care home.
- Concern over care that someone’s relative is receiving.
- How to manage finances, with dementia.
- Concern over a spouse, if he she should die.
- Ordering a free Age UK LifeBook.
- Completing benefits checks.
- Helping to find affordable handyman services.
- Concern over paying care home bills.
Age UK charity shops help to keep the service going. All the shops are run on renewable energy and bags are easy to recycle.
Host Tea Parties For Local Older People
Reengage run social tea parties for people over 75 nationwide. Plus phone befriending and a rainbow call companion service for LGBT+ people who are lonely.
The tea parties have 10 to 15 people, with volunteer drivers who collect people and take them home. These happen monthly at a volunteer’s house on Sundays.
For cooking, read our post on food safety for people & pets.
Find Nice Platonic Local Friends
Together Friends is a site where you can link up with like-minded women for trips out, to make nice platonic friendships. People can also use the site to meet for days out and holidays.
Be A Mentor/Friend to Young People
The Young Lives Foundation commits up to 2 years to help a young person, often for those who have unsettled childhood, have disabilities or have been victims of abuse. Obviously there are safety checks in place. Barnado’s runs a similar service in Birmingham.
Big Brothers, Big Sisters provides weekly positive mentoring to vulnerable children through ‘a Big’. This is the UK branch of a worldwide network began in the US, to help at-risk children avoid getting into fights, drugs and alcohol. Typically to help them focus on healthy behaviours like school, sport and finding good friendships.
Sense pair up with virtual buddies for disabled people. The charity can also provide equipment if you don’t have a laptop or phone or WIFI.
Care for the Family offers help for people with special needs, bereaved parents and young widows.
Finding Friends for Prison Relatives
- PACT offers a befriending service for relatives of those who have gone to prison. All calls are confidential with safety checks in place, to help people support each other, at this stressful time for families of prisoners.
- Blind Veterans has volunteers, some are drivers but others are home visitors who pop round for a chat and read the news etc. Or head out for a walk together.
- Deafblind UK also has volunteers that offer befriending services. As does Sightline and St Vincent de Paul Society.
Set Up a Local Neighbourhood Website
Set up a local neighbourhood website. Nextdoor is like a ‘local Facebook’.
You set a boundary and put safety caveats in place, then post anything from lost/found pets, job adverts, community bulletins or where the nearest party is! It’s free to use, just find someone to handle the admin.
Councils and emergency services can also share real-time info (like flood warnings). And you can even say ‘hi’ to some of the 300,000 Next Door neighbourhoods around the world.
Facebook is increasingly concerning regarding privacy, tracking and grooming of children. NextDoor is local, safe, avoids the ‘Big Brother’ stuff and is not designed to make billionaires richer!
Zimbabwe’s Friendship Bench movement
The Friendship Bench is the very interesting story of 14 grandmothers, who inspired a mental health revolution. A psychiatrist (one of only five in Zimbabwe) partnered with elders in his community, after losing a patient to suicide. In a country traumatised by decades of conflict.
With millions of people in his country suffering from depression, substance abuse and mental illness, he found 14 local grandmothers and pioneered The Friendship Bench program, a now-worldwide phenomenon that addresses such problems, with trained listeners who basically go up to them and sit on a bench and talk.
Set up a Friendly Bench in Your Community
Friendly Benches look like large modular sofas. But these benches are designed to encourage conservation and friendship in public places.
Read up on pet-friendly gardens and wildlife-friendly gardens (also how to stop birds flying into windows).
Grandmas Who Give Out Life Wisdom!
In Japan, people can rent a grandma that gives much-needed income, and helps them feel valued. In return, they teach young people how to cook and give life-lived wisdom. From getting through break-ups to coming out, and even to cheer you on at an event.
In New York, The Grandma Stand is a portable pop-up in Central Park, where on Saturday afternoons people line up behind a lemonade stand to get free empathy and listening ear from a loving grandparent. If you don’t have one of your own, it’s the next best thing!
