How to Be an Optimist (even if you’re an Eeyore)
England is now renowned as being a country of optimists (more a country of people who complain about everything!) But being an optimist is proven to be better for physical and mental health, although we don’t want to go all happy-clappy optimistic, like annoying people.
Also read how to support someone with depression.
Being an optimist is not ‘blind faith’, nor is it ‘manifesting things’ and pretending that you have them before you have. This (the opposite of what your mother told you to ‘not count your chickens before they hatch’) is actually not very good. As you could end up enraged (or feel guilty) if you don’t get what you want.
One woman in Australia (a cancer patient) was told by a ‘manifesting guru’ to look in the mirror each day and say ‘Every day I am getting better and better’. She didn’t. So she died bitter, as well as ill.
Optimism is more realistic than that. It’s about accepting what you can’t change, but having a good attitude about what you can. People who pooh-pooh manifesting miracles, say that people who managed to achieve life goals, is usually simply to building good habits.
If you smoke and drink and live in a dingy bedsit and have a job you hate, ‘manifesting your way out of it’ is unlikely to happen. But if you give up smoking and drinking, take up exercise, eat healthy food and actively study for qualifications to get a better job, income and home: you’ll likely succeed.
In other words, being optimistic is more a learned behaviour. One way to stay optimistic is to choose your company wisely. If you hang around people who complain, you’ll likely start to complain too. Rather than listen to narcissistic world leaders, turn off the news and just spend time around silly people! Or dogs – dogs are delightfully silly most of the time!
Shift Your Perspective to See Hope
You don’t have to write in gratitude journals, but optimists tend to see the good in things. One person may live in a small studio flat with a boring job until he or she can find something better. Another person may feel thankful that they have their own space, and an income while deciding what to do.
One person with a bad cough and excess weight and no friends may feel sad and lonely. Another might see that as a kick to give up smoking, eat well, take up gentle exercise, and join a few clubs.
You ultimately are the only one who can change your story. Just because things went wrong in the past (or have never got good) does not mean that things won’t get better in the future.
You’re not a tree, you’re not stuck. Your challenges are possibly temporary, if you allow yourself to do the work to make things better for the future. Don’t worry about circumstances that you can’t control. But you can get clear with yourself and your values, and do something about it.
You can’t control raising energy prices. But you could live a simpler life, so you are not so dependent on what the news tell you. You cannot control if you get cancer or Parkinson’s or MS. But you can choose to live a fairly healthy and balanced life. So if you do get some disease, you will cope better.
Things are always better when surrounded by a positive network. And that could be just you for now (or God, if you have a faith). And when you stop complaining, you’ll likely find more optimistic people are naturally attracted into your life.
Don’t be ‘Happy-Clappy’ Optimistic!
When North Americans are asked if they are happy, most say yes. But many are on anti-depressants, so the answers are a bit skewed. In fact, the ‘happiest nations’ tend to be people in Scandinavia (it’s cold and dark and everyone pays high taxes), so it’s quite the mystery.
But actually, it’s not. Because these countries are actually ‘less happy’. In other words, they don’t go around beaming like a goon at everyone. In fact, they are fairly serious and talk about politics in coffee shops, they don’t watch screaming contestants on game shows, that’s not their style.
They are simply normal, and naturally optimistic. They look on the bright side, but are realistic. Sweden for instance has a national age of 10 for a dog. This seems low. But when you research why, it’s because these kind people never let dogs suffer for years, just to keep them alive to keep people happy.
Optimism is being realistic, and being fairly happy. But not refusing to acknowledge that bad things happen. Having lower expectations – strangely can make you happier!
Could you ask your friend to do his exercises somewhere else? I shall be having lunch directly, and don’t want it bounced on just before I begin. A trifling matter, and fussy of me, but we all have our little ways.. Eeyore (the pessimistic donkey from Winnie the Pooh!)
We like writer Paul Kingsnorth’s often morose look at the world, rather than the star-spangled happiness banner we are all supposed to be:
A year ago my brother (who is probably a better gardener than me, even though he insists on giving half his land over to mangelwurzels whatever they are) gave me a book on gardening by the moon.
I still haven’t done it, as I’m quote conservative (with a small C). Maybe that’s what an allotment does to you – gradually turns you into a grumpy old man in wellies and a donkey jacket.
Or maybe it just smacks of new age freakery. There are no wind chimes on my allotment. I do not sing to my seedlings. They just grow. Good old-fashioned common sense prevails. Biodynamic gardening has me running for the bar.
Call me terribly English. But I’m seeking vegetables. And perhaps a bit of fresh air and exercise. I’m not there to unblock my chakras. I haven’t got time. I’ve got to put horse poo on the bean rows. Leave me alone. Paul Kingsnorth
Create a Happier, More Intentional Life
Little Shifts for a Big Life is a book you want to read! Organised into short bite-size chapters, this is a dip-in book sure to make you feel good. Nancy Perry has that rare quality of being both wise and a good writer, and you are sure to walk away inspired, from whatever chapter you read that day.
Covering everything from choosing to change your life (no matter your circumstances), moving on from those who treat you bad (and forgiving them, rather than keep you chained) and learning how to respond and react (and why they are two different things).
Love is a choice you can make again and again, to change everything.
Today is a brand new day. Making just the tiniest change, can change absolutely everything. If there’s an area where you’re feeling stuck, sad, frustrated, anxious or disappointed – you can consciously choose to start fresh in that area today.
You have no idea what those changes could be, or their depth. Yet you do need to start, for something to happen. When we start fresh, we get to carry forward the learnings and the blessings while simultaneously releasing the heaviness. You are free to grow. What tiny change will you make today to start fresh?
