Moving on from old relationships can feel heavy, but it doesn’t have to keep you stuck.
Whether it’s a friendship, a romance or unhelpful connection (we prefer this term rather than ‘toxic’, as all people have some good), letting go can open the door, to healing and brighter days.
This guide covers steps that help you break free from the past, heal your heart, and build new friendships with real optimism.
Accept the End
Accepting that a relationship has ended, might be the hardest step. It means letting go of ‘what could have been’. Sit with your feelings, face the truth and keep reminding yourself, that the past cannot be changed.
Hold on to honesty about why things ended. Accept any responsibility, but also know that usually it is never due to being anyone’s ‘fault’, it’s usually a mix.
Acknowledge the Pain
Feeling sad or angry is normal. Don’t rush to hide or avoid your feelings. Write your thoughts in a journal, or talk with someone who listens well. Facing your pain head-on stops it from growing in the shadows.
Be confused. It’s where you learn new things. Be broken. It’s where you begin to heal. S C Lourie
Distance Yourself
Taking a break from old friends’ social media or cutting contact with an ex friend or romance, helps your heart heal. Give yourself space to clear your mind.
Without old reminders popping up, it’s easier to focus on yourself and what you need now.
Reframe the Experience
Change how you think about the past. Don’t see it only as wasted time or failure. Every relationship teaches you something.
Think about what you learned about yourself, what you want. And what to avoid next time.
Allow Forgiveness (even if it’s difficult)
Forgiveness doesn’t mean accepting what hurt you. It means letting go of bitterness. Sometimes, the person you need to forgive is yourself.
Say it out loud, write a letter you don’t send, or find your own way to let the past go. This frees your mind, and lifts the weight on your shoulders.
Today I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologised. Or because you acknowledge the pain that you caused me. But because my soul deserves peace. Najwa Zebian
Build New Friendships
Old bonds leave a gap. So fill it, by reaching out to people you’ve lost touch with. Or saying ‘yes’ to new plans.
New friendships help lift your spirits, and remind you there’s more good ahead. Be open. Even casual chats can lead to strong connections for the future.
Avoid Falling into the Same Traps
Notice signs of repeating behaviour in new people, or old ones trying to return. Set clear boundaries, and trust your gut, if something feels off.
If people have been dishonest or controlling or unkind in the past, don’t fall into the same patterns the next time. Stay on your own, until you find friends that treat you well. Choose kindness – and that includes for yourself.
Cultivate Optimism for New Beginnings
Focus on the future, not the mistakes behind you. Dream up plans just for yourself, whether it’s a trip, a class, or a hobby. Celebrate small wins!
Notice good things in daily life, even if they’re tiny. Optimism is a habit, and every positive thought adds up!
Some people are going to leave. But that’s not the end of your story. That’s the end of their part in your story. Faraaz Kazi
A Book to Help Mend a Broken Heart
How to Mend a Broken Heart is a unique book, by a woman who used knowledge from her best friend (a neuroscientist) to look at how the brain copes with break-ups, and how to use this science knowledge to help you recover and move on.
When the author was in the midst of heartbreak after a relationship break-up, she turned to her friend, fed up with unhelpful advice from magazines and rom-coms.
This warm and witty book outlines the impact that relationship break-ups have on our brains and bodies, and explores how a science-based approach, may be able to help us heal.
She passes on how all she learned, including how a broken heart can affect our sleep to digestion, and how rejection is presented in the brain (in the same way as physical pain). And how it can even trigger withdrawal symptoms. Plus there are tips for counteracting heartbreak, and moving on to acceptance.
Ziella Byars is a writer and producer in London, who founded the annual theatre show Love Bites, with plays all sharing the uniting theme of love.
Happy Romances: Habits for True & Lasting Love
People in England are quite a romantic bunch. Most of us love watching old black-and-white romance movies, and there are likely millions of couples who have celebrated anniversaries of being happily married for decades.
But as older generations will tell you, building happy romantic partnerships is no fairy tale. It’s usually about:
- Steady habits
- Honest communication
- Shared moments
- Building trust
- Helping each other
Lasting love comes not from bunches of roses, but from small daily choices that people take, to show they care. If you want a relationship that feels both joyful and stable, these are the secrets happy couples swear by.
Communicate Openly and Often
Strong couples talk about their feelings, worries, and dreams without judgement. They share joys and disappointments, and they listen just as much as they speak.
This habit brings clarity and helps partners solve problems before they become bigger issues. Honesty builds a safe space where both people can relax and truly be themselves.
Respect Each Other’s Differences
No two people are exactly the same. Happy couples appreciate these differences instead of fighting them. They see new hobbies, ideas, or quirks as things to learn from, not threats.
Respecting each other’s views, family backgrounds, and habits gives the relationship room to grow.
Make Time for Each Other
Busy schedules can pull couples in different directions. Setting aside regular time for dates, walks, or even quiet nights on the sofa helps couples reconnect.
It’s about showing your partner they matter, even during tough or busy times.
Apologise and Forgive
Everyone messes up sometimes. The key is to own up, say sorry with heart, and ask how to make things right. Both partners also need to let go of grudges.
Holding onto old arguments or keeping score makes people drift apart.
Support Each Other’s Goals
True partners cheer each other on, not just in big dreams but in daily challenges. Whether it’s a new job, a health goal, or just a rough day, showing genuine support and interest builds trust.
Celebrating wins and facing setbacks together keeps the relationship balanced.
Keep a Sense of Humour
A shared laugh can heal a tough day. Happy couples don’t take life too seriously and know how to laugh at the little things, even when things get stressful.
Silly moments, or shared memories add joy and help people bounce back from setbacks.
Share Responsibilities Fairly
No one likes to feel taken for granted. Happy couples split chores, bills, and plans in a way that feels fair to both. Talking openly about what each person can handle keeps resentment at bay and builds teamwork.
Stay Curious About Each Other
It’s easy to think you know everything about your partner, but people always change and grow. Happy couples keep asking questions, trying new things together, and paying attention to small changes. Staying curious keeps the relationship fresh.
Build Traditions Together
Traditions give couples things to look forward to and memories to share. This could be a holiday breakfast, a weekly walk, or a favourite movie night. These shared rituals build a sense of “us” that feels strong and safe.
England’s Longest-Married Couple!
In 2022, the BBC reported on Ron and Joyce Bond, who had married in 1941, and celebrated their 81st wedding anniversary, as they also celebrated their 100th and 102nd birthdays.
Told ‘it would never last’, they married in the snow. Mr Bond said the secret to a good marriage was ‘neither being the boss’ and ‘sometimes life is hard, but we work through it together. We look after each other, too’.
They did not have glamorous lives (he worked at a Shell garage, she worked at Woolworths). But they remained happily remained, until they both passed away (not far off each other), a couple of years ago.
Of course, many people likely don’t marry as young as them (many people go into happy marriages in their 50s, 60s, 70s or 80s!) But all happy marriages are based on honesty, trust and helping each other. And you can’t get better than that!
A happy marriage, is a long conversation which always seems too short. André Maurois
Happy is the man who finds a true friend. And far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife. Franz Schubert
You don’t stop loving a person when they’re hurt. You get stronger, so they can lean on you. Kristin Hannah
I got gaps; you got gaps. We fill each other’s gaps. Love is absolutely loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them. And that’s love, even if it doesn’t seem very exciting. Sylvester Stallone
The Regency Companion to Love & Romance
The Regency Guide to Romance is a beautiful little book, for anyone navigating the world of love and courtship. This charming and whimsical guide to modern dating, is inspired by Regency-era etiquette. A must for people who wished they lived in the times of Jane Austen.
If you’re looking to attract a suitor (without enduring the arduous task of swiping through dating apps), this pocket book can guide you.
Perhaps you have a broken heart that needs nursing, and don’t know what to do? Or maybe someone has suddenly appeared in your Direct Messages, and you are unsure how to proceed?
The Regency era is remembered as a time of refinement and culture, and this means it’s the perfect inspiration for dealing with modern dating, and knowing when not to proceed.
In those days, no woman would allow herself to fall for someone unsuitable, she would have just enjoyed life alone. Until the right suitor came along. Or stand out as the best-dressed at the costume ball!
There’s nothing like an elegant afternoon tea, to help you forget your romantic woes. This book has perfect tips for dealing with all kinds of romantic scenarios, along with quotes from Regency-era figures like Jane Austen and Lord Byron.
Romance can be a tricky business. But now you can proceed with confidence with your Regency friends, and allow your heart to swoon on every page!
