Losing a beloved animal companion, can feel like your whole world has changed. Leaving pawprints on our lives, their passing brings real sorrow. Many people struggle with how to cope, what to do next, and how to honour the love they shared.
Read our post on finding free and affordable vet care (with tips on pet insurance).
Grief for companion animals is normal, don’t let anyone tell you that ‘it was just an animal’ or ‘you should get over it’. Pets are part of our families, and grief is proof of the strong connection you shared. Guilt is also a common emotion, whether the death was due to an accident or illness, or whether you were not sure if euthanasia was the right thing, or if you took the decision too late.
But most of us always try to do the right thing, and it’s best to focus on the good times, rather than the last few moments, even if it takes some time, even years. But always remind yourself how much you loved each other. That’s what animals teach us – unconditional love.
Remember That You’ll Meet Again
There is quite a lot of Biblical and Eastern wisdom evidence that we do indeed reunite with beloved pets, whether that’s in ‘Heaven’ or in another life. This can bring real peace for many:
- Friar Jack Wintz OFM was is a member of a Franciscan priory (inspired by Catholic St Francis of Assisi and studied extensively this subject. His uplifting books have helped thousands grieving companion animals.
- Heaven Is For Animals Too is by a woman who dedicated 10 years to studying the Bible’s answers on where animals go after they leave this planet, and the answer is a happy one.
- Animals in Heaven? is an interesting take by a Catholic (vegan) priest who preaches in Sussex. He uses his theological knowledge not only to prove that God cares for all creation both here and the afterlife, but also teaches that we should look after all creatures, while we are on this earth.
A man and his dog both die, and go to Heaven. At the pearly gates, the Angel says the man can come in, but dogs are not allowed. The man refuses to go to Heaven without his dog, and carries on walking. He comes to another gate, and this time the Angel lets him and his dog in.
The man says ‘But that Angel said that dogs are not allowed in Heaven’. The Angel replies ‘Oh, that was not an Angel. That was the Devil. He only lets people in, who are willing to leave their dogs behind’.
Explore Pet Reincarnation in Buddhism
Buddhists believe that animals (just like humans) move through different lives. And that companion animals find their way back to us, whether as another ‘body’ or a spiritual presence.
The theory here is that animals go into a state called ‘pardo’ at death, which lasts around 45 days, before reincarnating. To foster an easier transition, they suggest leaving pet beds etc for that amount of time, so pets can slowly and safely pass over, when their souls are ready. This should also help you too.
Consider Home or Veterinary Euthanasia
Home euthanasia is nearly always the best choice, but sadly life means it’s not always possible. But if it is, Dignity Pet Crematorium has a list of vets who offer this service, with information on what to expect.
PalliVet offers home euthanasia services in London. Other choices nationwide are Cloud 9 Vets and The Kindest Goodbye. Blue Cross has information on horse euthanasia.
RSPCA offers information on facing difficult decisions. Including signs that an animal is dying, what to expect from euthanasia, and how to make the end for your best friend as peaceful as possible.
Speak With Pet Grief Counsellors
- Blue Cross animal charity offers free pet bereavement trained listeners (phone, email, webchat or Facebook). Lines are open 8.30am to 8.30pm everyday.
- Paws to Listen (run by Cats Protection) also offers trained listener volunteers (lines are open 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday, excluding Bank Holidays).
- The Association of Pet Bereavement Counsellors lists counsellors specially trained, with high standards of care and professionalism.
- If you are struggling to cope, read our post on free suicide helplines.
Create Special Pet Memorials
Custom pet portraits are a nice way to remember companion animals. You can order these from Lucy Pickett, Dream Scribble or Zyvara.
Eco-Friendly Burial and Urn Options
Trees for Life is a charity that lets you donate, to rewild the Scottish Highlands, in memory of loved ones. These provide food and shelter for birds and wildlife.
If planting pet memorials, read about pet-friendly gardens and wildlife-friendly gardens (some wildflowers are unsafe near animal friends, so avoid sending ‘plantable memorial cards’ to homes with pets). Also read of trees to avoid near horses (including yew, oak and sycamore).
- Pet burial grounds are set within woodland areas, ashes must be in biodegradable urns.
- Hyde Park Pet Cemetery (London) has been around since the 1800s, when Mr Winbridge (servant to the Duke of Cambridge) laid his master’s dog to rest, followed by 1000 other souls since.
- You can donate your pet’s body to a veterinary education memorial programme. This enables scientists to find cures for disease without using live animals, to support humane medical research. Pets then have their ashes scattered at Dignity Pet Crematorium.
Helping other Companion Animals
Surviving pets often lose their appetite or search for friends, so give extra attention and time to adjust, but also try to keep to the same routines. Involve them in memorial rituals, letting them sniff blankets to bring comfort.
Those who work in animal hospices and offer home euthanasia, nearly all say that in most cases, it’s fine for other animal companions to be present at time of death, most already know friends are not well before we do (remember some dogs can sniff out cancer or diabetes).
If pets ignore the dead body of friends at time of death, know this is normal behaviour for some. Just give extra time and care, for the months ahead.
Should You Adopt Another Animal?
Some prefer to adopt or foster other animals immediately, others need more time. Only you know when the time is right. Trust your feelings, not outside pressure. Or you could become a volunteer dog walker, as another possibility. Read our posts on pet welfare.
Mental Health Help for Vets & Nurses
Vetlife is a charity that offers free confidential help to anyone working within the industry. It’s easy to forget that many vets and nurses suffer mental health issues. They have to deal with illness and animal abuse, and some are also abused by pet guardians upset with misdiagnosis.
70% of vets have lost colleagues to suicide, four times the national average. And many vets who work for others, are also upset if pet guardians are turned away, due to lack of funds. Read more on free and affordable vet care.
Books on Animal Companion Grief
Broken Heart, Shared Heart, Healing Heart is a book on handling the death of beloved pets, by the creator of an animal chaplaincy program. This compassionate book includes faith-based help and explores religious beliefs on animal afterlives.
Grieving the Death of a Pet is a book on how to cope with this unique kind of grief, that sometimes the rest of the world doesn’t understand. The author(a nurse and pet loss counsellor) treats pet grief with the seriousness and gentleness it deserves. Drawing on her own experience (and interviews with dozens of pet guardians), she guides the reader through the initial loss, to the dawning of hope and reassurance.
Honouring Our Animals is a refuge for your bedside table, moving through the seasons to offer a year of healing meditations after pet loss. This book does not ask you to ‘move on’, but instead affirms your devotion to your best friend, and acknowledges the grief you feel. Written by a pet loss counsellor, it uses words like ‘beloved’ over ‘pet’ and ‘transition’ over ‘death.
It’s like a piece of yourself is gone. Your soulmate, and the breaking of this bond is one of the most challenging experiences. Your guilt, shock and disorientation are overwhelming.
People in your life don’t understand the depth of your pain, your connection with your companion animal is unlike any other. You just don’t know how you will go on, without your beloved. Help is here. You need someone who gets it. Someone who can guide you through this process. That’s where I come in. Beth Bigler
A Dog for Jesus by Rudyard Kipling
I wish someone had given Jesus a dog
As loyal and loving as mine,
To sleep by His manger and gaze in His eyes
And adore Him for being divine.As our Lord grew to manhood His faithful dog
Would have followed Him all through the day,
While He preached to the crowds and made the sick well
And knelt in the garden to pray.
It is sad to remember that Christ went away
To face death alone and apart,
With no tender dog following close behind
To comfort its Master’s Heart.
And when Jesus rose on that Easter morn
How happy He would have been,
As His dog kissed His hand and barked its delight
For the One who died for all men.Well, the Lord has a dog now, I just sent Him mine,
This pal so dear to me.
And I smile through my tears on this day alone,
Knowing they’re in eternity.
Day after day, the whole day through,
Wherever my road inclined,
Four feet said, “Wait, I’m coming with you!”
And trotted along behind.
A Poem on the Loss of a Companion Animal
This is an anonymous poem found on the website of pet loss grief counsellor Beth Bigley. May it bring you comfort:
I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying…you found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear.
“It’s me, I haven’t left you…I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you that I am not lying there.
I walked with you toward the house, as you fumbled for your key,
I gently put my paw on you. I smiled and said, “It’s me.”
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.
It’s possible for me to be so near you every day.
To say to you with certainty, “I never went away.”
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew…
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over…I smile and watch you yawning
And say, “Goodnight, God bless, I’ll see you in the morning.”
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I’ll rush across to greet you and we will stand, side-by-side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see. Be patient, live your journey out…then come home to be with me.
– Author Unknown
