Help for Domestic Abuse (people and pets)
Domestic abuse affects lives in deep and lasting ways. It impacts both people and animals caught in the cycle. Getting out is hard, but help exists. This guide lists the key steps and support for people and their pets facing abuse.
One cause is likely media obsession with true crime stories, always focusing on the bad things that people do. This numbs our capacity to ‘be shocked’ and in doing so, creates a society where nearly all serial killers have a history of abuse to animals or/and children.
Recognising Signs of Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse means someone is hurting another person in a close relationship, like a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or family member. Abuse is not always easy to see. It can be physical, but it can also be words or actions that scare or control someone.
Signs of domestic abuse can look different for each person. Often, a person being hurt feels scared, worried, or sad around the person hurting them. They might pull away from friends or stop doing things they enjoy. You might see marks like bruises, but not always.
Sometimes, the person in control will say mean things, shout, or call the other person names. They may not let the other person leave the house or talk to friends and family. They can also control money, making the other person ask for what they need. Some people even break the other person’s things or say nobody will believe them if they tell anyone.
Many people who experience abuse find it hard to talk about. They might feel ashamed or afraid to ask for help. If you think someone is being hurt or feels scared at home, listen to them and believe what they say. If you feel safe, you can always ask for help from a trusted adult or call a helpline.
No one should have to face abuse alone. Support and care can change lives.
How to Escape from Domestic Abuse Situations
If someone at home is hurting you or making you feel scared, you are not alone. Many people go through this and there is help. Here are some simple steps to keep safe and get away from abuse.
If safe to use the Internet, fill in this customised personal safety plan, for custom advice. The site has online advice to quickly leave the site, if needed.
- First, trust your feelings. If you feel afraid or worried at home, it is important to listen to those feelings. You deserve to feel safe.
- Try to find a safe place. This could be a friend’s house, a neighbour, or a public place like a shop or a doctor’s office. If you can, avoid places where the person hurting you can find you easily.
- Tell someone you trust. This could be a friend, family member, teacher, or someone at work. If you feel scared to talk, you can write a note or send a quiet message instead.
- Keep a list of important phone numbers in a secret place, or save them under safe names on your phone. Some people write these down on a piece of paper kept in a shoe or hidden bag.
- You can call the police if you are in danger. Ask for help out loud or use your phone if you can. The police are there to help you, not to judge.
- If you plan to leave, pack a small bag with things you need like clothes, medicines, money, keys, and important papers. Keep it somewhere safe or with someone you trust.
Remember, none of this is your fault. The person hurting you is making a choice. You have a right to live without fear. Help is always there, even if it may feel scary to reach out. Saying what is happening is not wrong; it is a brave step.
You are not alone. There are people who care and want to help you feel safe again. If you feel ready, asking for help can lead to a better, safer life.
Where to Seek Help
- One of the first steps to take is to reach out to the National Domestic Abuse Helpline. Available 24/7, this helpline offers confidential advice and support.
- NHS has an updated list of where to find help (including how to cover your tracks online). Women’s Aid also has a good page, including what to do if an abuser has discovered your movements online.
- Citizens Advice has an extensive list of organisations to help, including those at risk from honour killings, and the national stalking helpline.
- Just as important is Respect Phoneline (this is a helpline for abusers, who are seeking help to change their ways). SafeLives offers a course for professionals to help those who abuse.
Helping Animal Victims of Domestic Abuse
Some people hurt the ones they live with, and sometimes this includes pets or other animals at home. Animals can feel scared or unsafe, just as people do. When someone is not safe at home, animals often need help too.
Many people care for animals and want to protect them. If a family needs to leave because it is not safe, there are groups that help look after pets. These helpers might find a safe place for the animals to stay until their family is ready to care for them again. Keeping animals safe can make it easier for people to leave bad situations. No one should have to choose between their own safety and the safety of their pets.
If you hear about someone or an animal in trouble, tell an adult you trust. There are kind people and services ready to help. Every animal should feel safe at home, just like people.
Often victims of domestic abuse don’t leave, because they don’t want to leave pets behind. Dogs Trust Freedom Project and Refuge 4 Pets can offer fostering (usually in a different area) for people escaping abuse until they get settled (including tips on legal guardianship).
Lifeline is is a free foster services run by Cats Protection. It offers free and confidential services for families fleeing domestic abuse, in many areas of England (southeast including London, East Anglia, Yorkshire, the Midlands, along with Wales and Scotland). If you live elsewhere, get in touch and they will try to find available options.
Endeavour is a charity to help people (with their pets) escape from domestic abuse situations. Offering both a safe haven for humans, and in-house pet fostering services for north west England. It recommends (ideally) vaccinations but understands that this may not always be possible in emergencies.
But do try to bring an information sheet on your pet’s medical conditions, likes/dislikes and any behavioural problems along with medications, favourite toys and blankets etc. Along with cats in carriers (to avoid escape, especially if scared).
RSPCA has a good page of info, along with links to more regional foster care services.
Anicare Handbook (also for children who have perpetrated or witnessed animal abuse) was created to help probation officers prevent future animal abuse).
Links Group investigates the link between human and animal abuse. It offers Veterinary Team Guidance, a document for vets to recognise the signs of non-accidental injury.
Safety Planning
If you or someone you know wants to leave a home where someone hurts or scares them, a clear plan can help keep everyone safe. This plan can include children and pets. Try to keep calm, take things step by step, and ask for help if you can.
First, gather the things you would need if you had to leave quickly. Pack a small bag with some clothes, medicines, important papers (like ID cards, passports, or birth certificates), some money, keys, and a phone charger. If you can, also pack your children’s things (favourite clothes, special toys, or comfort items) and things your pet needs like food, medicine, or a lead.
Think about where you would go. This could be a friend’s house, a family member’s home, or a safe place like a shelter or charity. If you have children or pets with you, check ahead that the place will let everyone stay together. Some shelters welcome pets; others do not. Your local council or a helpline might know of safe places for you all.
Plan how to leave home safely. Try to pick a time when the person hurting or scaring you is not around. Be ready by keeping the bag close and your phone charged. Talk with someone you trust and let them know what is happening. If you feel scared or bad things start to happen, you can call the police for help.
Teach children what to do if you all need to leave quickly. Remind them not to try stopping fights or arguments. Explain that staying safe together is most important. If it helps, practise how you would leave the house. Show them where the bag is and which door to use.
Make a list of important phone numbers, like police, a helpline, or a friend. Keep a copy with you or save them in your phone under a safe name. If you use a mobile, remember to keep it with you.
Ask a trusted person to take care of pets, or contact an animal shelter. If this is not possible, you could contact one of the charities above for help, or in emergencies, call the RSPCA and police.
Remember, help is out there. You do not have to face this alone. Talking to someone you trust can make it easier. Take small steps, and look after yourself and those who depend on you. Safety for you, your children, and your pets comes first.
Moving Forward After Abuse
Luna Little Legs is an illustrated book to help children recover from trauma, if they have witnessed or experienced domestic abuse. With engaging text, it covers the abusers getting help or families moving to a refuge and then into their own homes.
The age-appropriate language helps children from abusive families or situations talk about their feelings to other family members or professionals. Professionals can buy a supporting guidebook.
