Making Connections: Find Nice Platonic Friends
We could all do with some more nice friends, couldn’t we? In a world of dishonest and self-serving people, if you are finding it difficult to find some nice trustworthy platonic relationships, here are a few out-of-the-box ideas!
Making friends as an adult can feel like trying to join a conversation that started without you. People are friendly, but they’re busy, tired, or already booked in. Remote work, moving to a new area, and packed diaries don’t help.
By “platonic friends”, I mean close, supportive friendships with no romantic or sexual expectation. The kind where you can laugh, vent, and feel seen.
Together Friends is a site where you can link up with like-minded women for trips out, to make nice platonic friendships. People can also use the site to meet for days out and holidays.
Good options are book clubs, board game cafés, walking groups, parkrun, choirs, language exchanges, craft circles, coding meetups, and photography walks. In the UK, local libraries often run free clubs, and community centres usually have low-cost classes. Independent cafés sometimes host evening groups too, especially for games or writing.
What helps most is picking something that meets more than once. A six-week beginners’ course beats a single “social night”, because you get time to relax into it.
Try a few easy openers that fit almost anywhere:
- “Have you been coming here long?”
- “What would you recommend if I’m new to this?”
- “How did you get into it?”
Volunteering and community projects that attract kind people
Volunteering tends to attract people who show up, follow through, and care about others. That doesn’t make everyone perfect, but it improves the odds.
Look for food banks, community gardens, litter picks, charity shops, or local befriending services. If you like animals, some shelters have roles that don’t need loads of experience. Shared purpose also gives you something to talk about, so silences feel less awkward.
Regular shifts matter here. A monthly slot is fine, but a weekly shift is better for friendship. You start recognising the same people, then small chats turn into familiar warmth.
Keep it platonic and respectful by staying steady and simple. Be friendly, but don’t over-share early. Let trust build in small layers, the way good paint needs more than one coat.
Your starter move this week: message one organisation and ask for a regular slot, even if it’s only two hours a fortnight.
Choose places that have a rhythm. Friendship grows faster when the meeting is already built in.
Use small invites and make it easy to say yes
Big plans can sound intense, even if you mean well. Small invites feel safer, and they give both of you an easy exit.
Good “small” plans include coffee after class, a quick walk, a Sunday market, or a free museum day. If you add a time limit, it lowers the pressure straight away.
Message templates you can copy and paste:
- “I enjoyed chatting today. Fancy a coffee after next week’s class? I’ve got about 45 minutes.”
- “I’m heading to the market on Sunday morning. Want to join for a quick wander?”
- “I’m trying that new board game night again on Thursday. If you fancy it, come along.”
If they say no, don’t rush to fill the silence. A calm “No worries, maybe another time” keeps it friendly and keeps your dignity intact.
Set clear platonic boundaries early, kindly
Most people want the same thing you do, a straightforward friendship. Still, it helps to signal your intent with simple cues.
Daytime plans, group settings, and friend-shaped language all help. Words like “mate”, “as friends”, or “a couple of us are going” set the tone without making it heavy.
If someone flirts and you don’t want that, keep it clean and kind. For example: “You’re lovely, but I’m only looking for friends.” If they push again: “I mean it, I’m here for friendship only.”
Respect matters both ways. If someone seems hesitant, slow down. If it’s not a fit, it’s okay to step back without making it a big story.
Choosing safe, supportive friends and avoiding time-wasters
Nice friends don’t need to be perfect. They do need to feel safe, steady, and respectful. When you’re building platonic friendships, your time is part of your wellbeing.
Look for patterns, not speeches. Kind people show it in small, repeatable ways.
- They’re consistent, they turn up when they say they will
- They’re kind to others, not only to you
- They listen, and don’t rush to top your story
- They respect time, and don’t guilt-trip you
- Their mood feels steady, even on bad days
- They follow through, even on small plans
- They communicate honestly, without drama
A good sign is how you feel after meeting them. Calm is underrated.
Red flags and what to do if something feels off
Watch for pushy behaviour, love-bombing, constant crisis, gossiping, and ignoring “no”. Asking for money early is another clear warning. So is trying to get too close, too fast.
If something feels off, keep it simple:
- Slow down, and share less personal info
- Meet in groups or public places, if you meet at all
- Step back, and stop replying if needed
Trust your gut. You don’t owe anyone access to your life.
Be A Mentor/Friend to Young People
- The Young Lives Foundation commits up to 2 years to help a young person, often for those who have unsettled childhood, have disabilities or have been victims of abuse. Obviously there are safety checks in place. Barnado’s runs a similar service in Birmingham.
- Big Brothers, Big Sisters provides weekly positive mentoring to vulnerable children through ‘a Big’, to help at-risk children avoid getting into fights, drugs and alcohol. To focus on school, sport and finding good friendships.
- Sense pair up with virtual buddies for disabled people. The charity can also provide equipment if you don’t have a laptop or phone or WIFI.
- Care for the Family offers help for people with special needs, bereaved parents and young widows.
Finding Friends for Vulnerable People
- PACT offers a befriending service for relatives of those who have gone to prison. All calls are confidential with safety checks in place, to help people support each other, at this stressful time for families of prisoners.
- Blind Veterans has volunteers, some are drivers but others are home visitors who pop round for a chat and read the news etc. Or head out for a walk together.
- Deafblind UK also has volunteers that offer befriending services. As does Sightline and St Vincent de Paul Society.
More ideas to help older isolated people
Despite being a country of around 67 million people, many older people go for weeks without seeing another person, apart from the obvious (buying food etc). This is why it’s so important to keep community post offices and shops open, as they do far more than just sell stamps and groceries.
Not just older people, but there have been horrific stories in recent years, of people actually having died and not been noticed (for years). One former nurse in Dorset died a few years back, her body lay undiscovered under a bed (she had some kind of dementia). And it was only found, when people visited to cut off her supplies, due to automatic payments being stopped.
This – in England. And it happens in many western countries, when money and driving everywhere and media that only cares about young people, means that many older people are left isolated, depressed and feeling hopeless.
Now here’s the good news.
There are a good few charities that offer ENORMOUS help to older people. And one that you know the name of (but perhaps not what they do) is Age UK (it doesn’t fund animal testing, by the way). And has many charity shops nationwide.
But what’s surprising with a quick dig is the incredible work they do. So do tell others so they get the benefits of this major charity:
- A phone helpline (some people on very low incomes have had income rise by over £100 a week, after one phone call).
- An in-person volunteer befriending service.
- Affordable handypersons to do odd jobs
- Nationwide cafes, to chat over tea and cake
- Over 80 trained workers, to offer in-home footcare
- Social activities and IT training
- LifeBook is a handy way of storing all your details, from a Will and pet trust, to life contacts, how to feed your cat if you go into hospital, financial documents and final wishes.
The Silver Line is a volunteer call service, where chatty people call up to have a natter on a regular basis. It also offers ‘conference calls’ to two recipients can join in the call. And they then perhaps become friends and call each other up (or even meet up) between the official calls.
Proof that often it’s private charities and organisations, that do the work better than governments and councils can.
This also has a knock-on effect on reducing NHS costs. Because older people who are eating well in warm homes, who have friendships and access to local support, tend to be healthier both physically and mentally. And results in less stays in hospitals, and long-term stays in residential and nursing homes.
Other charities to help older isolated people
Reengage offers free call companions, who phone up for a chat once a week (including ‘rainbow companions’ for LGBT+ older people). It also runs monthly tea parties where volunteer drivers pick you up, to go have tea in another volunteer’s house, along with fellow seniors.
Independent Age offers financial advice to older people, from increasing income (often through missed benefits) to getting help for bills and housing costs. This in itself can result in less isolation, as often people stay home, as they are too afraid to spend money on days out or holidays.
