Reconnect Broken Friendships (that ended badly)
If you have had good friendships in the past, sometimes these are not apparent – until you meet other people who you realise are not as nice!
How do you reconnect a friendship, when you realise that you did not appreciate the wonderful kinship you once shared with someone? Read this post to find out more!
It’s important to respect that if someone does not want to rekindle a friendship, then that’s their choice. You can’t force friendship on anyone. But if you wish to reconnect and the other person does too, sometimes all it takes is to both of you to let go of pride, and embrace forgiveness.
Someone has to make the first move. If neither of you don’t, that could be two wasted lives, which could be of having good times and doing good for the world together!
Allow Time for Emotions to Cool
Often if a friendship ended badly, it was due to miscommunication. One person thought the other person had said or done something wrong. And before you know it, a wonderful friendship has gone, all in the blink of an eye.
And it’s good in these circumstances to allow time to let emotions cool down. But also for both of you to reflect on what went wrong. It’s important to do this, to acknowledge what each of you did to hurt the other person. That way, there’s less chance of the same happening again, should you reconnect.
Initiate Low Pressure Contact
This does not mean playing games, but reaching out as yourself. Perhaps with a simple ‘thinking of you’ text or email. Often when friendships are broken, egos get hurt too. And both parties are frightened of reaching out, in case they get rejected. They likely already feel rejected, that the friend parted ways.
Offering this simple reach-out helps the old friend to be reassured. That if they did have the courage to reach out, they would not be rejected again, nor ridiculed nor quizzed or berated.
Proceed slowly. And respect boundaries, if the other person is still feeling hurt and not ready to connect. But know that the longer it goes on, the less likely a reconnection is possible, as it means more hurt and rejection for the other person involved. Who will eventually have to move on, for their mental health.
Own Your Part (the Apology)
If a good friendship broke down, then it was never due to one person. So be prepared for both of you to own your specific mistakes, without blaming the other person.
Listen actively, and be prepared to hear things you may not want to hear. Perhaps you told lies and now you will have to make those right, in order for the other person to trust you. For without trust, there is no friendship.
But likewise, know that if someone has the courage to admit they shut down and perhaps set boundaries to not let anyone in, then acknowledge that courage to reach out. And have compassion, and be prepared to hear the other person out.
If it’s difficult to do that, perhaps they could write a letter or email and let you read it in your own time, if that person is not good at communicating direct. This gives you time to digest and decide whether to reach back out.
Rebuild Slowly
If you do manage to start a rekindling of an old friendship, then take things slowly. It may take a long time to rebuild trust, as friends should be there for you in times of need. And if they aren’t when you are in desperate or urgent circumstances, it can be hard to trust they would ever be there again.
And also they need to trust that if you ever had a ‘tiff’ in the future, that person would not shut down again, and go out of your life for months, years or forever.
Accept the Outcome
If someone does not wish to restore a friendship, respect that decision. But likewise, they should respect yours. If that person shows an obvious sign that they do not wish to reconnect, then it’s time for you to also move on.
You also have a life to live, and if they have made it clear of their feelings, then bless them and start a new life without them. Accepting that you were just ships that passed in the night.
Tempers flared, and hurtful things were said. Let both of you gain your senses first, and reflect on what happened. I kept thinking about how many years had passed by. Did I really waste four years, by not contacting my best friend?
Afraid they won’t reply to you? You haven’t spoken to them for a while anyway, so what’s to fear? Go ahead and find a way to contact them. You’ve got absolutely nothing to lose, because your current situation can’t get any worse.
The positive thing coming out of breaking and fixing a friendship is that both of you know each of your boundaries once you have crossed them. Your fixed relationship is sort of like an irreplaceable, cracked heirloom vase carefully glued back together. It may not look the same as it did before, but you can still value it for what it is and fully embrace it.
One thing for sure: if you value this friendship, the time you lose with them can never, ever be replaced. Life is short, and the clock is ticking. Get the ball rolling. Make a conscious choice now. Remember, you have nothing to lose and only a friend to gain. Tiny Buddha
