How to Move On From Broken Relationships
Moving on from old relationships can feel heavy, but it doesn’t have to keep you stuck.
Whether it’s a friendship, a romance or unhelpful connection (we prefer this term rather than ‘toxic’, as all people have some good), letting go can open the door, to healing and brighter days.
This guide covers steps that help you break free from the past, heal your heart, and build new friendships with real optimism.
Accept the End
Accepting that a relationship has ended, might be the hardest step. It means letting go of ‘what could have been’. Sit with your feelings, face the truth and keep reminding yourself, that the past cannot be changed.
Hold on to honesty about why things ended. Accept any responsibility, but also know that usually it is never due to being anyone’s ‘fault’, it’s usually a mix.
Acknowledge the Pain
Feeling sad or angry is normal. Don’t rush to hide or avoid your feelings. Write your thoughts in a journal, or talk with someone who listens well. Facing your pain head-on stops it from growing in the shadows.
Be confused. It’s where you learn new things. Be broken. It’s where you begin to heal. S C Lourie
Distance Yourself
Taking a break from old friends’ social media or cutting contact with an ex friend or romance, helps your heart heal. Give yourself space to clear your mind.
Without old reminders popping up, it’s easier to focus on yourself and what you need now.
Reframe the Experience
Change how you think about the past. Don’t see it only as wasted time or failure. Every relationship teaches you something.
Think about what you learned about yourself, what you want. And what to avoid next time.
Allow Forgiveness (even if it’s difficult)
Forgiveness doesn’t mean accepting what hurt you. It means letting go of bitterness. Sometimes, the person you need to forgive is yourself.
Say it out loud, write a letter you don’t send, or find your own way to let the past go. This frees your mind, and lifts the weight on your shoulders.
Today I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologised. Or because you acknowledge the pain that you caused me. But because my soul deserves peace. Najwa Zebian
Build New Friendships
Old bonds leave a gap. So fill it, by reaching out to people you’ve lost touch with. Or saying ‘yes’ to new plans.
New friendships help lift your spirits, and remind you there’s more good ahead. Be open. Even casual chats can lead to strong connections for the future.
Avoid Falling into the Same Traps
Notice signs of repeating behaviour in new people, or old ones trying to return. Set clear boundaries, and trust your gut, if something feels off.
If people have been dishonest or controlling or unkind in the past, don’t fall into the same patterns the next time. Stay on your own, until you find friends that treat you well. Choose kindness – and that includes for yourself.
Cultivate Optimism for New Beginnings
Focus on the future, not the mistakes behind you. Dream up plans just for yourself, whether it’s a trip, a class, or a hobby. Celebrate small wins!
Notice good things in daily life, even if they’re tiny. Optimism is a habit, and every positive thought adds up!
Some people are going to leave. But that’s not the end of your story. That’s the end of their part in your story. Faraaz Kazi
A Book to Help Mend a Broken Heart
How to Mend a Broken Heart is a unique book, by a woman who used knowledge from her best friend (a neuroscientist) to look at how the brain copes with break-ups, and how to use this science knowledge to help you recover and move on.
When the author was in the midst of heartbreak after a relationship break-up, she turned to her friend, fed up with unhelpful advice from magazines and rom-coms.
This warm and witty book outlines the impact that relationship break-ups have on our brains and bodies, and explores how a science-based approach, may be able to help us heal.
She passes on how all she learned, including how a broken heart can affect our sleep to digestion, and how rejection is presented in the brain (in the same way as physical pain). And how it can even trigger withdrawal symptoms. Plus there are tips for counteracting heartbreak, and moving on to acceptance.
Ziella Byars is a writer and producer in London, who founded the annual theatre show Love Bites, with plays all sharing the uniting theme of love.
