Been Ghosted? How to Move On from the Hurt
Ghosting happens when someone suddenly stops all contact without explanation. It’s more common as texting and social apps make it easier to disappear without facing a conversation. This silence can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and stuck.
If you’ve been ghosted by someone who is abusive or a stalker, then you don’t have to be concerned. In the Bible, Lot’s wife (who is never named) looked back, and turned into a pillar of salt.
Ghosting is usually due to fear of having difficult conversations, so it’s easier to just disappear off the radar, usually due to emotional immaturity and self-centredness (and a lack of empathy for others). .
Remember that ghosting reflects someone else’s values, not your worth. Avoid self-blame and focus on self-care and moving on.
Ghosting is incredibly painful, because it can make us feel like we’re not even worthy of an explanation. A more severe form of ghosting (conscious ignorance) is when you reach back and say ‘Hey, is everything okay?’ And if you go online and see they are still living their life, you have your answer about this person. That should be a moment where you set them aside.
You can’t build trust with those people. You certainly don’t get good treatment, when that person sees you as no longer valuable to them. What you are seeing is what someone does when someone different comes along to arrest their attention. What happens to you? Forget you. Matthew Hussey
What to Do if You Have Ghosted Someone
The first step is being honest with yourself. Why did you choose to stop responding? If you were avoiding difficult conversations, is it worth making contact before that person moves on forever? If you ghosted them, it’s unlikely they are ever going to initiate contact themselves, for fear or rejection and more hurt.
Also look inside your heart, to realise the effect your behaviour has on that person. When you disappear, you take away their chance to understand what’s going on. Ignoring their feelings can feel like disrespect, even when that’s not your intention.
If you feel like reaching out to clear the air, a brief note works best at first such as ‘I’m sorry for disappearing, I should have communicated better’. This shows that you respect the other person and care about how your actions affected them.
If you can’t do that, at least learn the lessons of how your behaviour affected others, to not do the same to someone else in the future. Treat ghosting someone else, as a chance to grow in emotional maturity. If you need help, find a counsellor to talk things through confidentially.
People only ghost you for one reason. They would rather hurt you, than have an open honest conversation. They’d rather never speak to you again. Which means you never mattered to begin with. Anon
Ghosting may seem easy to you, but it leaves deep scars. Anon
