Why Boundaries are Important for Sensitive Souls
Boundaries are very important. Because if you are a kind sensitive soul, often others will find it okay to trample all over them. Boundaries are needed for people who tend to say ‘yes’ when they mean ‘no’.
There are only a small percentage of HSPs (highly sensitive peeps) in the world. And if you’re one of them, you likely assume everyone else is too. Not so!
Stop asking why they keep doing it. And why you keep allowing it. Chase Hill
Boundaries is not just about saying no. If you’re a kind person, likely you say sometimes to be kind (when it’s the right thing to do) when everyone else is saying no.
But there are times in our lives when it is really needed to set boundaries, to prevent energy vampires ruining our lives.
Examples are:
- Abusive relationships (physical or emotional)
- Bullies (friends, bosses)
- Loud people who invade our space
- People who shout their opinions at us
- Those who don’t respect our lifestyles
- People who shout their religions at us
- People we simply need to take time out from!
Most therapists will say ‘be kind but honest’. It would be nice if life were like that. But often people who abuse our boundaries are not listeners anyway, so you won’t be heard. The easiest solution is to try to gently move away from such people. Either by forming new relationships, leaving jobs etc. They likely will never change. So it’s time to protect your energy space.
Jen Smith writes that we are treated, by how we allow others to treat us. The reason it’s good usually to move on, is because if that person has abused your boundaries in the past, unless you get all assertive and say ‘I’ve completely changed’, they will likely not hear.
It’s best therefore to find new friends and learn from experience. Set boundaries the next time around, so you don’t get sucked into emotional abusive friendships or relationships with people you trusted. Like it or not, the sad truth is that some people you trust – are not to be trusted.
Don’t Become a ‘Serial Helper and Fixer’
Serial Fixer is a book that many of us need! Many of us who are ‘highly-sensitive’ people tend to decide to try to help everyone else’s problems as well as our own.
And many of our own problems, often stem from not setting enough boundaries, so end up with our problems, often being caused by the very people we are trying to help.
That’s not to say not to be kind and empathetic. But often if you try to help people who treat you bad, then you are kind of giving them permission to keep doing this (whether it’s abusing you, using you, ghosting you or taking advantage of your good nature).
You can still support others, without losing yourself.
Are you participating in one-way relationships that cause you anxiety, exhaustion or depression? Are you constantly trying to figure out why people treat you bad?
There’s no excuse. If people treat you badly – it’s a hard pill to swallow, but they simply don’t care. If they did, they would not treat you that way. Period.
