How to Mend (or move on) from Broken Relationships
If you have had good friendships in the past, sometimes these are not apparent – until you meet other people who you realise are not as nice! How do you reconnect a friendship, when you realise that you did not appreciate the wonderful kinship you once shared with someone?
It’s important to respect that if someone does not want to rekindle a friendship, then that’s their choice. You can’t force friendship on anyone. But if you wish to reconnect and the other person does too, sometimes all it takes is to both of you to let go of pride, and embrace forgiveness.
Someone has to make the first move. If neither of you don’t, that could be two wasted lives, which could be of having good times and doing good for the world together!
Allow Time for Emotions to Cool
Often if a friendship ended badly, it was due to miscommunication. One person thought the other person had said or done something wrong. And before you know it, a wonderful friendship has gone, all in the blink of an eye.
And it’s good in these circumstances to allow time to let emotions cool down. But also for both of you to reflect on what went wrong. It’s important to do this, to acknowledge what each of you did to hurt the other person. That way, there’s less chance of the same happening again, should you reconnect.
Initiate Low Pressure Contact
This does not mean playing games, but reaching out as yourself. Perhaps with a simple ‘thinking of you’ text or email. Often when friendships are broken, egos get hurt too. And both parties are frightened of reaching out, in case they get rejected. They likely already feel rejected, that the friend parted ways.
Offering this simple reach-out helps the old friend to be reassured. That if they did have the courage to reach out, they would not be rejected again, nor ridiculed nor quizzed or berated.
Proceed slowly. And respect boundaries, if the other person is still feeling hurt and not ready to connect. But know that the longer it goes on, the less likely a reconnection is possible, as it means more hurt and rejection for the other person involved. Who will eventually have to move on, for their mental health.
Own Your Part (the Apology)
If a good friendship broke down, then it was never due to one person. So be prepared for both of you to own your specific mistakes, without blaming the other person.
Listen actively, and be prepared to hear things you may not want to hear. Perhaps you told lies and now you will have to make those right, in order for the other person to trust you. For without trust, there is no friendship.
But likewise, know that if someone has the courage to admit they shut down and perhaps set boundaries to not let anyone in, then acknowledge that courage to reach out. And have compassion, and be prepared to hear the other person out.
If it’s difficult to do that, perhaps they could write a letter or email and let you read it in your own time, if that person is not good at communicating direct. This gives you time to digest and decide whether to reach back out.
Afraid they won’t reply to you? You haven’t spoken to them for a while anyway, so what’s to fear? Go ahead and find a way to contact them. You’ve got absolutely nothing to lose, because your current situation can’t get any worse.
The positive thing coming out of breaking and fixing a friendship is that both of you know each of your boundaries once you have crossed them. Your fixed relationship is sort of like an irreplaceable, cracked heirloom vase carefully glued back together. It may not look the same as it did before, but you can still value it for what it is and fully embrace it. Tiny Buddha
How to Move on from Broken Relationships
Accepting that a relationship has ended, might be the hardest step. It means letting go of ‘what could have been’. Sit with your feelings, face the truth and keep reminding yourself, that the past cannot be changed.
Feeling sad or angry is normal. Don’t rush to hide or avoid your feelings. Write your thoughts in a journal, or talk with someone who listens well. Facing your pain head-on stops it from growing in the shadows.
Be confused. It’s where you learn new things. Be broken. It’s where you begin to heal. S C Lourie
Change how you think about the past. Don’t see it only as wasted time or failure. Every relationship teaches you something. Think about what you learned about yourself, what you want. And what to avoid next time.
Today I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologised. Or because you acknowledge the pain that you caused me. But because my soul deserves peace. Najwa Zebian
Some people are going to leave. But that’s not the end of your story. That’s the end of their part in your story. Faraaz Kazi
Been Ghosted? How to Move On from the Hurt
Ghosting happens when someone suddenly stops all contact without explanation. It’s more common as texting and social apps make it easier to disappear without facing a conversation. This silence can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and stuck.
If you’ve been ghosted by someone who is abusive or a stalker, then you don’t have to be concerned. In the Bible, Lot’s wife (who is never named) looked back, and turned into a pillar of salt.
Ghosting is usually due to fear of having difficult conversations, so it’s easier to just disappear off the radar, usually due to emotional immaturity and self-centredness (and a lack of empathy for others). .
Remember that ghosting reflects someone else’s values, not your worth. Avoid self-blame and focus on self-care and moving on.
What to Do if You Have Ghosted Someone
The first step is being honest with yourself. Why did you choose to stop responding? If you were avoiding difficult conversations, is it worth making contact before that person moves on forever? If you ghosted them, it’s unlikely they are ever going to initiate contact themselves, for fear or rejection and more hurt.
Also look inside your heart, to realise the effect your behaviour has on that person. When you disappear, you take away their chance to understand what’s going on. Ignoring their feelings can feel like disrespect, even when that’s not your intention.
If you feel like reaching out to clear the air, a brief note works best at first such as ‘I’m sorry for disappearing, I should have communicated better’. This shows that you respect the other person and care about how your actions affected them.
If you can’t do that, at least learn the lessons of how your behaviour affected others, to not do the same to someone else in the future. Treat ghosting someone else, as a chance to grow in emotional maturity. If you need help, find a counsellor to talk things through confidentially.
How to Mend a Broken Heart (a healing guide)
How to Mend a Broken Heart is a book for anyone who has had their heart smashed to pieces, or feels betrayed by someone they loved. This book, written by a woman who was in the midst of heartbreak, recalls how a conversation with her neuroscientist best friend helped her enormously.
Frustrated by unhelpful advice from magazines and rom-coms, she began to delve into proper research, finding that the pain of heartbreak can actually be healed through examining how being betrayed by one you love can affect our sleep to digestion.
Rejection is represented in the brain the same way as physical pain, and is obviously another kind of loss. Learn how to deal with the withdrawal symptoms of moving on from someone who no longer cares for you, and find tips to counteract heartbreak and move on to acceptance.
Apart from grief, there’s nothing that hurts more than being betrayed by someone you thought was your soul-mate. If you envisioned spending a wonderful life together, and doing your bit to change the world, it’s time to move on. With hope and healing.
Underneath is all lurks the question of motive. What possessed them to rip a long, close relationship apart? How could they? Tracey O’Shaughnessy
Now I know I’ve got a heart, because it’s breaking. The Tin Man, The Wizard of Oz
