Have you ever felt pressured to back down on what you believe? Many of us say sorry to keep the peace, but the price is steep. Apologising for your views and values chips away at self-respect. It also tells others that your voice is optional. But if you have good morals and values, we need more people like you in the world!
So if you don’t fit in; if you feel at odds with the world, if your identity is troubled and frayed; if you feel lost and ashamed. It could be because you have retained the human values you were supposed to have discarded. You are a deviant. Be proud. George Monbiot
Here are a few values that you may have, that are odds with others:
- Being vegan (in a meat-eating world)
- Not watching junk TV (in a world obsessed with celebrity)
- Voting Green (instead of the main political parties)
- Not driving a car (because you care about the planet)
- Wanting peace and quiet (in a world of noise)
- Telling the truth (in a world that tells lies)
- Not believing anything Farage or Trump says!
- Not following a set religion
- Investigating the real stories behind the ‘boat crisis’
- Asking questions, before making judgements.
- Not thinking money is the centre of the world
- Not being manipulated by politics or the church
- Having walks ruined, by picking up every piece of litter
- Getting upset if you see an injured creature (however small), and needing to carry the number of your local wildlife rescue and marine life rescue on your phone.
- Getting involved in trying to find lost pets.
Don’t Apologise for Your Beliefs
Saying sorry for your views sounds polite. In truth, it can harm. When you apologise for a clear opinion, you teach yourself to doubt your own judgement, as well as watering down your beliefs for others. You are telling others that your stance is soft, and that can muddy who you are.
This does not mean you have to shout your beliefs. Ecological writer Satish Kumar once wrote that people who shout their beliefs on demonstrations is a bit like ‘churning sand to make butter’. But you also don’t need to hide your beliefs.
Aussie writer Andrew Matthews once asked his father (when he was a child) why people on TV were punching each other at a demo. His father replied ‘Because they want peace!’
Why Others Might Lose Respect for You
People mirror the energy you bring. If you act unsure, they treat you as unsure. If you are vegan and a chef serves you meat and you say nothing, it will keep happening. And people will not respect your opinion.
If you value honesty in relationships, and you accept people telling you lies, they will keep lying, as you are not showing that you value truth. If you keep topping up a strong cup of tea with water, soon it will taste of nothing.
Years ago, MPs caught wrongdoing would resign on the spot, to save their party and dignity. But now (despite telling others to be truthful and moral), as soon as they caught out doing something, they hang on for dear life. So people don’t trust politicians, as they are not staying true their own values, that likely they had when they first went into parliament.
Messages become fuzzy and crowds move on. People end up not knowing who to trust, so feel it’s easier to trust no-one. People can’t look up to people for inspiration, as there are increasingly fewer people to look up to and admire.
That’s often why people are returning to traditional religion. Whether you are a Christian or not, we all know that Jesus Christ remained true to his beliefs, even when he was crucified. We know he never lied or even sinned.
But when you look at the murky New Age world, it’s full of charlatans. A few people are no doubt genuine, but most aren’t. Those who seek to make a fast buck, nearly always turn out to have lied and cheated their way to the top.
No doubt there are a few authentic people, but many unscrupulous ‘mediums’ do the unthinkable, and prey on the grieving, to make money at public events. Often looking up histories of people on the Internet, then booking ‘seats’ so the names are known before ‘giving information they couldn’t have known’.
The Benefits of Staying True
When you stick to your own values, life is a lot simpler. You live better, you sleep better, you don’t have to keep coming u with ‘alternative stories’ to keep other people happy, then make up more stories for other people. Living your own values keeps you true to yourself. Then those who don’t share them drop out of your life.
Attracting Like-Minded People Who Value You
The good news is that people whose values you do share, then start coming into your life. If you love walking and nature, you are likely to meet others like you. You’ll meet them on mountain walks, not sitting at home watching celebrity TV or ina smoky pub with drunks shouting support at football matches.
If you are on a spiritual journey, taking a retreat is guaranteed for you to meet people with similar values. You won’t find them at a fast food restaurant or at the cinema.
Do not confuse flexibility with surrender. You can change your mind, at any time. But don’t be afraid when confronted by those who don’t share your views, to stand up for your beliefs:
I see it differently, and would like to leave it there.
I am not comfortable, with that line of talk.
I hear your point, but I prefer this approach.
Limit online talk. Share your view once, then mute if needed.
A good example is if you are asked to give money to an animal-testing medical charity. Just say that you’ve done your science, and for this and compassion reasons, you only give to humane medical research. Don’t be blackmailed that ‘you care more about animals that people with cancer etc’.
